Welcome to the sixtieth edition of 10 Questions With…
Today our guest is:
This is a special post, due to some thoughts I have about Foley, I am going to include my review of his short story in this interview. All my thoughts will be in green text.
Tell us about yourself:
My name is Alistair Foley and I’m a creative writing teacher at the Northern Virginia Community College. I’m an avid reader and book blogger and author of the brand new fantasy novel Song of Silverglade, the greatest fantasy novel since The Two Towers.
You might have read about him. You might have seen his reviews online. He is famous for his 1-Star reviews of everything. Nothing is sacred. Of this blog he said:
“This has to be the absolute worst book review site in the universe. Preston Lee looks like the kind of guy that counts the instances of swear words in each book and then marks them down in an Excel spreadsheet. And his stupid bow tie makes me commit hara-kiri with a spork. I give this wannabe 1-star.”
First off he got my name wrong, it is Leigh, but that is what he does. I have never seen Alistair Foley give a book higher than 1-Star, except for his own which there are not enough stars in the sky to give him. Foley just released his first story, Song of Silverglade.
1.) What is something that many people might not know about you?
I once beat Michael Bunker in an arm wrestling contest in a bar in Plains, Georgia. You haven’t lived until you’ve watched an Amish man cry.
2.) What inspired you to write your first book?
I always knew I was destined to be a great writer someday. Sometimes a person is born that’s a pure artist. Think Mozart or Shakespeare or Bob Dylan. It doesn’t happen very often, maybe once in a generation, and I’m that person for my generation. Actually, if you want the real story, I had a dream where Thornton Wilder’s ghost came to me in a giant library and told me that I should be an author. The rest, as they say, is history.
3.) Who is your favorite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?
My favorite author is Alistair Foley. His work is so visionary, his prose so tight, that it brings a tear to my eye and gives me hope for the future of the human race.
4.) If you could have dinner with any author, dead or alive, who would it be and why?
I would like to have dinner with Nick Cole and ask him how a man that ugly could get such a pretty woman to marry him. I think she might be an android because that’s the only explanation that makes any sense.
I’m reading Anne Askew In The Tower by Bombo Dawson. It sucks.
6.) Are there any new authors that have captured your interest?
I’m pretty impressed with Forbes West. He has an epic ability to offend people with small minds and dirty fingernails.
7.) If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in any of your books?
No. My book, Song of Silverglade, is perfect and I wouldn’t change anything. I think it’s rude of you to even ask a question like that.
Song of Silverglade is a short story, you could read it in about ten or fifteen minutes. I was not sure what the book was going to be about because the book summary is this:
“Hear now the most epic tale of fantasy since Dragons Of Winter Night, a story so epic it would make J.R.R. Tolkien wish he was a character in a George R. R. Martin novel. Just buy the book, ok? I need the money. If you only read one fantasy novel this year, you should read Song Of Silverglade.”
The story is about a boy named Silverglade whose parents are killed and he is going to try to get revenge for their death. This story feels like it is more of an outline of a story and was not edited. It feels like Foley just wanted to publish this story. There is one part of the story that Foley decided to just use placeholder text or something just to make the story a page longer. I actually went back to try to figure out what it was, here is a piece of it:
“Tat et, tor maximusam re ex elestiis eveliquia aut volentur si cusandi ctinullaniet volor aio. Ma ea dolorun totate volorpore reptiusa int eum laturia pla sit et vel imolectur sitas etur, nosam quo mil ma di cusci……”
8.) Can you share a little of your current work with us?
Right now I’m working on a book review of Anne Askew In The Tower. This is what I’ve got so far:
Anne Askew In The Tower is the worst piece of crap that I have ever read in my entire life. It’s the kind of book that is so hackneyed that you just can’t look away. It reads like it was written in one sitting by a redneck high on donuts and cappuccino. And the author, Bombo Dawson, he looks like a long-lost relative from that show Duck Dynasty. I mean, he makes Patrick Rothfuss and George R.R. Martin appear well-groomed. Whatever you do, don’t buy this book. Not even the e-book. Don’t get it even if it’s free on Amazon Prime. I give this book 1-star because they won’t let me go into negative numbers. It’s that bad.
9.) What song best describes you and why?
Probably Fat Bottom Girls by Queen.
10.) A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?
A penguin walks through the door and says “My name is Preston Leigh, look at my stupid bowtie.” And then I wrestle him to the ground and put him in the LeBell lock until he cries like a little girl who just took candy from a baby in front of her parents and had to stand in the corner wearing a dunce cap.
Go ahead, pimp whatever book you want:
My book is called Song of Silverglade. Go buy it now, it’s the greatest book you’ll ever read and you should read it and review it. Don’t pay attention to other reviews, those are all trolls that hate me because I gave them bad reviews on their books and I’m disputing all of those reviews with Amazon. I’m the greatest author of my generation and the rest of you are just jealous. BUY MY BOOK!!!!!!
I do not think I have laughed so much during a story that is supposed to be a serious fantasy story. I had my wife read the story and she laughed the entire time as well:
“Once upon a time, on a planet called Vinworld, a fantasy world (most likely Earth) where you are reading this book, there lived a young man named Silverglade. Silverglade was a farm boy who spent his days mucking barn stalls and milking cows and doing all kinds of other work that Americans are too lazy to do. He didn’t like his job. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it because Silverglade was very poor and life pretty much sucks for the poor on Earth or Vinworld or anywhere else. Can you dig it?”
I think the reason that Foley said Song Of Silverglade would “Make J.R.R. Tolkien wish he was a character in a George R. R. Martin novel” is because then Tolkien could then be put out of his misery. Foley needs to expand on the story line and give us some back stories and things like that:
“That’s because you’re the chosen one,” said Markus wisely. “It’s written that the chosen one will be a natural fighter.”
“Where is it written?” Silverglade asked curiously.
“Don’t worry about that right now,” said Markus Smugly.
Like I said, it feels like an outline. The chapters are short, you don’t get to know the characters, and it just isn’t polished. The way that Foley trolls people online and gives everything weird one star reviews, I can’t help but think Foley is really another author pulling a joke on us.
Leighgendary Rating (for writing): 1/10 Stars. Foley really needs to take this story off of Amazon and every other place it is sold and rework the story.
Leighgendary Rating (for entertainment value): 8/10 Stars. I laughed all the way through because there is no way this can be a serious piece of literature. If you want a story that will make you laugh then this is it.
GIVEAWAY: Alistair Foley would like to giveaway a signed book. In order to get registered answer the following question in the comment section:
Alistair seems to be a troll online. He loves to trash everybody and everything. Do you think Alistair is a real person or is he just a character? If he is a character then who is Alistair Foley, really? Tell us below in the comments.
Due to shipping costs, this giveaway is only open to those in the Continental United States. This giveaway will run until Wednesday, March 9, 2016 at 8:00 am (est). Good luck to everyone.
I would like to thank Alistair Foley for joining us today for this special 10 Questions With and Review of his book Song Of Silverglade.
If you would like to learn more about Foley and his book make sure you follow him on Facebook.
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